FMF: Gratitude

Happy Friday, most lovely friends!

Today is that special day of the week: Five Minute Friday!! Every week Lisa Jo Baker sends out a one word writing prompt. We, the masses, then have 5 minutes to write on that word! No thinking, no editing, and no looking back. 

I love FMF because I just get to heart and brain dump and share that mess with a giant FMF loving community! I hope you will jump in as well!!

This week the word is: GRATITUDE.

GO!

Let me share this verse from Deuteronomy 12:7 the NLT:

There you and your families will feast in the presence of the Lord your God, and you will rejoice in all you have accomplished because the Lord your God has blessed you.

This week I shared about celebrating Thanksgiving in April. This verse was a driving force behind my reason to host it for the second time this year.

Is God not our GOD? Aren't our lives to be poured out as living sacrifices? Trust me, I am still learning TONS about God and how to do this myself. But I still find Him so deserving of my praise. When I gathered with my family to feast and celebrate what we were thankful for, it was a small token of praise. To announce publicly that I am thankful for friends, family, and overabundance of food.

The Lord has blessed me so very richly. That is not to say that I don't have problems, just like everyone else I do. But I yearn to find that little nugget, that tiny piece of joy in every day. Reminding myself of the goodness of God, of what He has blessed me with, changes my perspective every time.

I rejoice in what God has blessed me with. It is all, every little bit, HIM. If I could host a thanksgiving meal everyday with my family, I would! Don't wait once a year to tell God and others why you are thankful; do it every day.

My heart is full of gratitude for a God who cares for me so much.

STOP!

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Thanks for stopping by The Christian Sugar Addict!

FMF: Lonely

Happy Friday, most lovely friends!

Today is that special day of the week: Five Minute Friday!! Every week Lisa Jo Baker sends out a one word writing prompt. We, the masses, then have 5 minutes to write on that word! No thinking, no editing, and no looking back. 

I love FMF because I just get to heart and brain dump and share that mess with a giant FMF loving community! I hope you will jump in as well!!

This week the word is: LONELY.

GO!

Lonely is what I have been for a lot of my life. After high school, all but one of my closest friends drifted away naturally. College was a weird time, and long story short none of those friends really stuck either. I came back home and spent a tough year at home. Alone. Without my husband as he got to tour Iraq. 

I made new military wives. Insta-bond formed over our missing husbands. But what really held us together was them. And when they came back, relationships fell apart and changed, and we were all left alone again. 

Making friends after that was tough. I went to a church that didn't have any young adults beside me and Hubby. "Older" women didn't have time for a new friend as they ran after flocks of children or grandchildren. Then we went to a super large church FULL of young adults, but it was hard to get plugged in and find the sweet spot. 

Seven years of my life lonely for a great friend. I still don't have that one real life friend whom I can trust and call on and live life completely with. I have some friends though and I am hoping it can cultivate into something awesome. 

Through it all, God was there. I would struggle with loneliness again and again only to be reminded again and again that God is with me. Emmanuel. I was never on my own. Times were tough but Emmanuel. Maybe I was home alone again but Emmanuel. Even if my fears were realized and I was alone forever, Emmanuel. I would cling to that promise and find the joy in it. All I need, all we need is Emmanuel. Not husbands, not friends, not new shoes, not decorated houses, not books, not sugar, not air, not life. All worthless without Emmanuel. 

STOP!

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Thanks for stopping by The Christian Sugar Addict!

Consider visiting next week when I will discuss some more painful truths, some gritty details, and how I am trying to work through my loneliness to find Emmanuel.

FMF: Story

Happy Friday, most lovely friends!

Today is that special day of the week: Five Minute Friday!! Every week Lisa Jo Baker sends out a one word writing prompt. We, the masses, then have 5 minutes to write on that word! No thinking, no editing, and no looking back. 

I love FMF because I just get to heart and brain dump and share that mess with a giant FMF loving community! I hope you will jump in as well!!

This week the word is: STORY

GO!

Somewhat ironic that this word was chosen this evening. I spent a large chunk of my day today contemplating what story I am telling with my life. Prompted by Unblogger, I am evaluating my life in relation to the blogging world. Do I tell my story for my blog, or do I write my blog for my story??

What is my story? My life. But is it a good one? What kind of main character am I writing myself to be? Am I one of those main characters who is all 'me me me' or do I remember my good BFF and lend a hand?  Am I a good mother or one of those non-existent parents so prevalent in YA fiction?

God has written a story for my life. But will I like it? Will I ignore it? I feel like I am trapped in one of those choose-your-own ending books. I wish I could pick up an eraser and erase the parts of my character that I don't like as easily as I stamp out bad tasting words on my paper. Good bye bad temper! Good bye extra weight!

Or create my persona based on the interweb. Fantastic crafting skills, type that in! Always seeing God's hand behind every corner of life?? Oh yeah!! Add that bit in! Online we can craft and type and finagle ourselves to be anyone. But I am more desperate for life. Real life. My real story.I want my blog to be an extension of me, and not me becoming an extension of my blog.

What story will my life tell??

STOP!

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Thanks for stopping by The Christian Sugar Addict!

Consider visiting next week when I will discuss some painful truths, some gritty details, and how I am trying to figure out my story.

FMF: Broken

Welcome FMF friends!

Time for Five Minute Friday. I am linking up with Lisa Jo Baker. Today our word is BROKEN!

Because of some craziness on Lisa's blog, we are sharing our FMF posts on her Facebook Page. Hope everyone can follow along! 

GO!

Broken. Broken. Broken. Bleeding. Twisted. Open. 

Ugh. I can barely stand the thought of my Savior's body broken for me. I avoid it, I look away, I am unsure, I squirm, I cry, I deny, I wander. 

I am me. Blogger, mother, wife, coach, reader, Whovian, baker. All this amounts to just me. A tiny little soul here for the blink of an eye in a tiny little corner of a massive universe. There is nothing significant, there is nothing that stands out. I am a firm believer in Ecclesiastes; there is nothing new under the sun. 

Yet. Yet 2000 years ago, some guy named Jesus thought of me. His Dad had told him, "This tiny girl needs your help. She is lost and alone and needs a Hero. I want YOU to help her." And this Jesus replied, "Okay." And he let himself be betrayed by his best friends. He let himself be beaten bloody. And then he carried a wooden cross on his tired back up a hill, where he let himself be nailed to hang, broken. broken. twisted. open. 

Argh. My heart bleeds. My heart twists and can't contain the tears. The thought of it breaks, breaks breaks my heart open. And I cannot deny. And I cannot not cry. And I never want to wander again.  

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Thanks for stopping by The Christian Sugar Addict!

FMF: Belong

Welcome FMF friends!

Time for Five Minute Friday. I am linking up with Lisa Jo Baker. Today our word is Belong!

GO!
Belong. 

I can imagine this will be the heart's cry on many-a blog tonight. Why? Because we all want to belong. We want to be a part of something. We want to make a difference. We want to be acknowledged and we want to be acknowledged by those we believe 'matter'. 

So many clamour and fight and worm their way into the 'inner circle' just to belong, to count, to have their opinion voiced. But be counted as cool as well. We think what we think because the 'big important' girls tell us too. We write how we write because that is how they write. We read what they read because we want to say we know, we understand, we support the same cause. 

We. Just. Want. to. Belong. But I don't want to become lost to who I am just to belong. I don't want to write on certain topics or in certain ways just to fit in with the popular crowd. I like cookies, but don't want to be a cookie cutter blog, a cookie cutter person. 

I belong to the One. And even if I never belong to a group online or inrl, I belong to the One who truly matters and truly loves me. He wants me to be ME. And I am weird, and I am different. I have bad life experiences, and no, I don't/can't always relate it back to God in some meaningful way to share with the masses on a weekly or daily basis. I like science fiction. I like reading. I love baking but don't make my own fantabulous creations to storm Pinterest with. 

I guess in short? I want to stopping WANTING to belong to the women of this world, and WANTING to only belong to HIM who loves me quirks and all. He is the only Follower I need.

STOP!

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Thanks for stopping by The Christian Sugar Addict!

FMF: Present

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back at lisajobaker.com and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community.. 

Today our word is PRESENT.

GO!!

So. When I see this word, I most definitely think of this:
 

I think of all the presents I have received or given, or not given, or forgotten.

Then what comes to mind is the best present of all: JESUS. And even though I know he is the best present of all, I forget it. How often I forget it.

My baby girl discovered the rest of the house this past week. Once week in fact. One week of my entire world changing. I now need to vacuum daily, baby proof EVERYTHING, and can never shower again unless she is napping. Life is stressful. Oh lordy.

Of course crawling is exhausting as well, so any semblance of a schedule is gone. Out the window. Vamoose! My days are now one endless loop of fighting with Baby Girl to get her to sleep, feed her again, entertain her until naptime, and fight her again. Blah. Boo. Poo.

Jesus as my greatest gift is gone. Out the window. Vamoose! My brain is filled with mindless, stressful, angry things. And I have forgotten Him. Forgotten the One who never forgot me. Turned my back on the One who never turned His back on me.

And motherhood is HARD. But not accepting the present of His presence is even harder. And I am exhausted.

FMF: Brave

Howdy there Bloggy,

Time for Five Minute Friday. I am linking up with Lisa Jo Baker. Today our word is BRAVE.

GO!

Two weeks ago now our FMF word was JUMP. I wrote about how I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff tempted to jump off and see if the Lord would catch me. 

Here is my follow up post. 

This was beyond my comfort zone. And it showed as I walked into the room, limbs shaking. I slapped on my nametag and grabbed the nearest chair at the emptiest table. One occupant. I was too nervous to speak. 

I used my full bladder as an excuse to get up and leave, to take my time washing my hands and waiting for the 'program' to start. 

I came back to a full table of talking ladies.

'Be Brave', I told myself. So I tried jumping in the conversation, voice shaking, cheeks heated. 'You are such a dork.' was repeated like a mantra in my head. 

"Be Brave" said the Lord. 

I gave up. I gave in. I had jumped, but I was clinging to the edge of the cliff face. Time to freefall. 

And you know what? I had a marvelous time. I got to know 2 wonderful ladies, who I hope to meet up with again. 

Thank you Lord for catching me when I let go. Thank You for my bravery. 

STOP!

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Thanks for stopping by The Christian Sugar Addict!

FMF: Friend

Howdy there Bloggy,

Time for Five Minute Friday. I am linking up with Lisa Jo Baker. Today our word is FRIEND

GO!

Do you need a friend?? Doesn't it seem like everyone everywhere is crying out loneliness?? Where have all the friends gone? Are we too busy? Are we over stretching? Trying to be too many places and doing too many things at once? 

Why do I hear so many women asking for community? How do I foster community? How do I start making friends?? 

Why can't we just step up first, and BE that friend??

Trust me, you are speaking to a friendless introvert here, I preach to the choir hardcore. But maybe we all need to quit reading SO MANY blogs, and really dedicate ourselves to a few. And then dig in. Comment. Encourage. Get to know each other. Dedicate yourself to replying to your own blog's comments and emails. If we want the community we have to BE the community. 

So.

There is that.

Maybe it is too late at night. Maybe I attended too many twitter parties tonight (#intentionalblogger, #inRLMN, and stalked #FMFparty a wee bit) but...

Does anyone want a friend?? Does anyone want community?? Let's start here. Let's slow down. Tune in. Connect. Respond. 

Friend. 

Perhaps it doesn't happen HERE or THERE......my blog or your blog....but somewhere. Let's start being brave. Let's start opening up. Let's start being real. There is no such thing as too many friends!! 

So jump in. Join a community! Here? FMF? Tell me where you are actively seeking friendship!!

STOP

FMF: Jump

Hey Hey Hey!

Time for Five Minute Friday. I am linking up with Lisa Jo Baker. Today our word is Jump.

GO!

"Might as JUMP!"

Jump in with both feet, hands tied behind back, oh and don't forget rock tied to feet. Or...is that Aladdin?? 

I am not sure. Either way I am standing on the Cliff of My Life, not sure which way to turn next. Do I turn and run away, back to safety, back to the lonely well-known? Or do I jump into the raging blue and hope for the best?

The feeling of failure and embarrassment are out there in the raging blue unknown. If I go, I WILL be the dorky girl hiding in the back, quiet, silent, alone, counting the hours until I am free to run home to safety, skipping the next day entirely. 

But what if......what if I do go? What if I actually talk to someone? I might meet someone as dorky and lonely as me. 

Sigh. 

Whether I jump or not, I do not know. One thing I do know: every time I jump I will fall flat on my face the next cliff down. Only when I jump in tandem with GOD will I be at peace. So here I am praying, wondering, praying, biting nails, praying........maybe they will see me, maybe not....

found here

 

FMF: Here

Dearest Bloggs,

Time for Five Minute Friday. I am linking up with Lisa Jo Baker. Today our word is Here.

Go!

I could respond to this word in one sentence: I need to be more HERE. Ouch. How does Lisa Jo Baker always know what word is on my heart???

It's true. I am never HERE. I am never in the moment. Brutally honest? I think most of my HERE moments suck. Perhaps it is not what I wanted. It didn't meet my expectations. I am bored. I am frustrated. I want More. And so to keep myself from dwelling HERE, to escape my bad temper and lack of patience, I escape to ANYWHERE. 

Mostly ANYWHERE includes Facebook, Twitter, blogging, and man oh man: Pinterest. I don't like HERE so I escape to ANYWHERE; I check out. See ya Real World. 

But...

But in the same process, I am checking out on my Baby's life! I am missing moments. I am missing smiles. I am missing giggles. 

True, it is one of the biggest kept mommy secrets that babies are boring. But when I pick up my phone as soon as I pick up that bottle every. single. time. even I know that I am missing out on the HERE. 

God wants me HERE. That is why He gifted me this moment, this very HERE I am trying to escape. Who do I think I am to say "Nope. This HERE isn't good enough for me. I am off for a better ANYWHERE"??

Again, no promises that I won't escape ANYWHERE ever again, but I am going to try to be more HERE. To start?? Logging off...........bye Bloggers!! 

STOP!!

FMF: After

Bonjour Blogs,

Time for Five Minute Friday. I am linking up with Tales From a Gypsy Mama. Today our word is After.

GO!

After. After. Happily Ever After. Isn't that the promise we all cling to? In our marriages. In our work lives. After giving birth. In our walk with God.

From the outside looking in, it would be assumed that once you become a Christian it will be Happily Ever After. You are a child of God and blessings will now rain down. Life will be easy. Life after becoming a Christian will be all gold streets and sing-a-longs.

But life still continues on in the After. We are still on this Earth. We are still human. Car accidents. Depression. Divorce. Cancer. Consequences.

But...

But we are also changed. On the inside. The world may march onwards, but we don't have to. We now get the choice to turn and run the other way, back towards the Light.

In the After, bad things still abound. Life happens, it is unavoidable. But we DO have the Ever After. We have the Forever After. So when our happily ever after isn't always very happy, we can look up, look back at the Light that is pursuing us and remember, this is the now, but we have the After.

Stop!

FMF: Remember

Howdy Folksies--


Time for Five Minute Friday. I am linking up with Tales from a Gypsy Mama. Today our word is REMEMBER.


GO


Remember, Remember, what do I remember? What will my daughter remember?


Will she remember sparkling floors and oven aromas? Or will she remember super snuggles and goofy play sessions? Will it be quick, biting words or gentle, patience gently guiding?


I am scared thinking about what my daughter will one day look back on, her memories of me.


I want her days to be sun filled warmth, giggles, and wet kisses, but fear that one short moment will stick tough like glue instead. 


All I can do is pray knees sore hands clenched that my love will seep through; that HIS love seeps through my messy love to make it TRUE LOVE. 


That above all else, she REMEMBERS Him first, second, always.

STOP

Five Minute Friday: Rest

Hey Hey Bloggy!

Time for Five Minute Friday. I am linking up with Tales from a Gypsy Mama. Today our word is REST.

GO!

Crap. I think the LORD is up to something. 

It started last Sunday at the sermon my Pastor was giving about trying to fill our God Shaped Hole with something other than God. At the end he quoted Psalm 62:5 "My soul finds rest in God alone". At the time I thought, 'wow, how true is that! I am trying to fill my God Shaped Hole with Baby, Husband, Chocolate, Coffee when the only thing that can give me the True Rest I am looking for is God'. 

Then I went about my Sunday. 

Wednesday rolls around and I see this picture shared on my Facebook Feed:


I reposted it and wrote "Maybe its time I really listen...'
But then the baby threw a fit.

And now REST just happens to be the word for FMF?? Yup. God is up to something, and He needs me to listen!

I am a mommy. But I am also an introvert. Having to hold baby and play and rock all day is exhausting to me. I need downtime to recoup. I need rest. I try to fill my tank again with Netflix, reading blogs, reading books, doing puzzles.....but perhaps I will never truly feel rested again until my soul can find rest in God alone.

I may be slow but I am not dumb. God is trying to get me to notice, so... I NOTICE GOD! And this time, I am not looking away.

STOP!

Five Minute Friday: Ordinary

Hey Hey Bloggy!

Time for my second Five Minute Friday! I am linking up with Tales from a Gypsy Mama. Today our word is Ordinary!

GO!

Ordinary. All my life I have only been just ordinary. Ordinary hair, ordinary clothes, ordinary grades. Ordinary. What an ugly word it has been in my mouth.

I wanted to be extraordinary, at something, at anything. Dreams. Aspirations. Fantasy.

Now as I grow up I dread being an ordinary wife or an ordinary mother. And now I am an ordinary blogger.  Can't I do better? Can't I be more? Can't I do more??

EXTRAordinary. Where the world notices you. Where the world cares about you, about your very existence. Instead I was left wanting.

But .... darn it all. Isn't ordinary exactly what God created me to be?? He knit me exactly as He intended me to be in my mother's womb. Isn't ordinary exactly what God loves to use?? He didn't choose princes or kings. God chose shepard boys, prostitutes, virgins to work through. Shouldn't He still be able to do EXTRAordinary things with ordinary me??  If I was EXTRAordinary, maybe God wouldn't choose me. More like, if I was EXTRAordinary, I wouldn't be able to see God clearly.

Suddenly I find ordinary a little more desirable.

STOP

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My First FMF!

Welcome to my place Bloggers!

Well, this is it, I am jumping in eyes closed and nose plugged, naturally. I am joining the hubbub around Five Minute Fridays! Every Friday, Lisa-Jo Baker at The Gypsy Mama gives a word, and you just write about it for five minutes. No editing or forethought. Today actually happens to be more a of a topic: What My Mama Did. 

GO

My mama. Wow. I sadly never appreciated her as much as I should have growing up. She was always a more 'behind the scenes' kind of woman. But I never would have gotten through life without her. She selflessly cleaned and cooked and baked and drove us everywhere and let us have too many guinea pigs. 

And then she got cancer. Twice. And I realized if she left, I would be completely lost. I got to admire her and see her true strength as she went through some crazy strong treatments. She handled it like a pro! I would have been crying and raging and hiding and running and general giving up. And she grew her faith. The strongest faith I have ever seen. 

"What good is faith??"

"It can only move mountains!"

How can a person be given such crazy blows and deal with such intimate cancers and still cling to Jesus stronger than ever? It is admirable, beyond admirable. Amazing. 

I hate cancer, but I love how it made me see my mom. Beautiful, strong, believing, wonderful. 

I am 25 and still rely on her way too much. She is MY mother. And I am so thankful for her. 

STOP